Sunday, September 2, 2012

Priest Defended Child Sex Abusers

In this Yahoo News article a catholic priest said child sex abusers are often seduced by teenage boys and should not go to jail on a first offense.  As an alternative, he proposed a slap on the limp wrist.  What is interesting here is that he almost seems to be saying “don’t put them in jail on the first go round, wait till the second or third, you know it’s coming because little boys are like Lays potato chips, you can’t have just one…erm… or so I’ve heard.”

The friar, who essentially blamed those devilishly delicious young boys with their pubescent crackling voices and struggling facial hair for the priests’ inability to control themselves, recanted and apologized for his statements stating that he isn’t always clear, especially when afflicted with a raging boy-love boner.  What he meant to say was, “MAN THOSE ASSES!”

Why do “men of the cloth” always go after boys?  Is there something in the cloth that turns the man gay?  Just what is the cloth made out of, Elton John’s scrotum?  “Oh, this is so lovely.  So soft.  It smells like…like… ball sweat and rainbows.”  Priests are surrounded by catholic school girls, what with their little skirts, tight asses, and holy-shit pert little titties.  But, if you want something with an ass like a ten year old boy, there’s nothing better than a ten year old boy.

A nun’s habit is a very conservative style of dress.  A priest’s habit is little boys.

And why are the priests always 15 boys deep before anyone comes out to talk about it?  Shouldn’t that be part of the catechism at this point?  “The Pope is infallible, but keep in mind that has nothing to do with your phallus.  Oh, and by the way, Father John seems a bit off to all of the parents, so if he starts talking about holding your ‘private mass’ let one of the adults know. ” 

Maybe the men of the cloth should just be castrated.  They’ve made a commitment to God to never have sex, so the church should remove their nuts (you know, just in case) and call it a “Saintly Circumcision”.    The balls could be put on display and considered martyrs.  Granted the lack of testies would bring out their flamboyant side so mass, with all that organ music and kneeling,  would be like Richard Simmons Sweating to the Extremely Oldies. 

Priest collars are now fitted with a penis detection device that delivers a shock, the Popes hat is just a big condom, and he has declared that priest-on-boy sex is no longer sinful on Fridays.  Really, if it gets much worse they’ll have to replace the collar with a cock ring and communion will be served from a butt plug.

In a more serious note, to recognize those who have not been caught up in a child sex scandal, the Catholic Church has decided to have a dance for the priests.  They’re calling it The Blue Ball.


  1. The whole Catholic church seems to be coming out of the closet.

    1. They have to come out once in a while to rinse themselves off.

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