A few of my liberal friends have asked me what my beef with liberals is. I assure you, I have no beef, not even some Whole Foods soy-based beef-like substitute, with liberals. It’s stupidity I hate. And while stupidity doesn't discriminate, it certainly seems to lean left and south. I don’t know, maybe it’s me, maybe I’m missing something; the passion, the understanding, a soul, but just because something makes someone feel good doesn't mean it is good (think LSD or pretending there is a direct link between explosives and virgins).
I don’t give the left credit for much, but occasionally they blindly feel their way along and through what appears to be nothing more than dumb luck, fall into the right answer. Most of what the left proposes is bound to fail because they think with their hearts and not their heads, unless it’s Clinton who thinks with his dick or Michael Moore whose thoughts, according to scientists, come from an ass canker. But, gay adoption, a leftist cause, to me at least, makes sense.
First, the argument that gay couples will screw up a child’s delicate psychology just doesn’t hold water. We’re all screwed up. I’m shaking hands with crazy and my parents made me the old fashioned way, accidentally. There might be some stigma through the high school years for kids growing up in certain parts of the country—what I like to call the Redneck Belt—but those are just the jocks afraid they can catch queer like they catch a cold, by licking each other’s balls in the locker room.
Second, outside of meeting a drunk and horny Kimbo Slice in a dark alley or becoming a prison bitch, you just can’t make people gay. You can make guys effeminate so that they think tight jeans look good and you can make girly-girls lose some of their girly-ness so that they become tolerable, but you can’t make someone gay. Even if you tried, at some point biology is going to kick in and they are going to throw out the drawer full of panties and start wearing men’s bikini briefs. Heterosexuality… ease into it. As a matter of fact, if the current rate of pusification of American boys continues at this alarming rate, we won’t know who’s sporting what kind of pee-pee parts until we see them naked.
Third, I’m going to defer to the professional wisdom and ethics of the adoption agencies that they aren’t going to put a kid into the hands of a creeper (gay or straight) and I hope that their background check on potential adopting parents includes questions like: are you an ass-raping, creeper pedophile? Check yes or no. I’m also hoping the hoops the adoption agencies make you jump through makes the windowless 1970’s van with the word “Candy” spray painted on the side the best shot that these sick-o’s have at getting children. Hey kids, don’t go near that van.
I know that’s a lot of hopes, but if adoption agencies are putting kids in the hands of freaks that’s a fault in the system not reflective of homosexuals in general. Also, I think that when most people think of gay they think of Mardi Gras gay and in a sense that sort of serves them right for all the years of in-your-face pseudofeminity with the affected lisps we’ve had to…erm… swallow. But, there are also a lot of normal people out there who just happen to be gay and would like to adopt. So as an adoption agency, unless one of the people sitting across from you is wearing a leather hat, no shirt, and ass-less chaps and his partner has a dildo strapped to his forehead, pass them on to round two.