A few of my liberal friends have asked me what my beef with
liberals is. I assure you, I have no
beef, not even some Whole Foods soy-based beef-like substitute, with
liberals. It’s stupidity I hate. And while stupidity doesn't discriminate, it certainly
seems to lean left and south. I don’t
know, maybe it’s me, maybe I’m missing something; the passion, the
understanding, a soul, but just because something makes someone feel good doesn't mean it is good (think LSD or pretending there is a direct link between
explosives and virgins).
I don’t give the left credit for much, but occasionally they
blindly feel their way along and through what appears to be nothing more than dumb
luck, fall into the right answer. Most
of what the left proposes is bound to fail because they think with their hearts
and not their heads, unless it’s Clinton who thinks with his dick or Michael
Moore whose thoughts, according to scientists, come from an ass canker. But, gay adoption, a leftist cause, to me at least,
makes sense.
Here’s why.
First, the argument that gay couples will screw up a child’s
delicate psychology just doesn’t hold water.
We’re all screwed up. I’m shaking hands with crazy and my parents
made me the old fashioned way, accidentally.
There might be some stigma through the high school years for kids
growing up in certain parts of the country—what I like to call the Redneck Belt—but
those are just the jocks afraid they can catch queer like they catch a cold, by
licking each other’s balls in the locker room.
Second, outside of meeting a drunk and horny Kimbo Slice in
a dark alley or becoming a prison bitch, you just can’t make people gay. You can make guys effeminate so that they
think tight jeans look good and you can make girly-girls lose some of their girly-ness
so that they become tolerable, but you can’t make someone gay. Even if you tried, at some point biology is
going to kick in and they are going to throw out the drawer full of panties and
start wearing men’s bikini briefs.
Heterosexuality… ease into it. As
a matter of fact, if the current rate of pusification of American boys
continues at this alarming rate, we won’t know who’s sporting what kind of
pee-pee parts until we see them naked.
Third, I’m going to defer to the professional wisdom and
ethics of the adoption agencies that they aren’t going to put a kid into the
hands of a creeper (gay or straight) and I hope that their background check on
potential adopting parents includes questions like: are you an ass-raping,
creeper pedophile? Check yes or no. I’m also hoping the hoops the adoption
agencies make you jump through makes the windowless 1970’s van with the word “Candy”
spray painted on the side the best shot that these sick-o’s have at getting
children. Hey kids, don’t go near that
van.
I know that’s a lot of hopes, but if adoption agencies are
putting kids in the hands of freaks that’s a fault in the system not reflective
of homosexuals in general. Also, I think
that when most people think of gay they think of Mardi Gras gay and in a sense
that sort of serves them right for all the years of in-your-face pseudofeminity
with the affected lisps we’ve had to…erm… swallow. But, there are also a lot of normal people
out there who just happen to be gay and would like to adopt. So as an adoption agency, unless one of the
people sitting across from you is wearing a leather hat, no shirt, and ass-less
chaps and his partner has a dildo strapped to his forehead, pass them on to
round two.
